One Year

 

 Dear Trace,

It has been one year since you left us here on this earth. I can't hardly believe it has been three hundred and sixty five whole days without your sweet smile and precious spirit here in our house. I hate even typing out the time because some days it seems like time has no meaning. The time you were here seems so magical and fleeting now, almost like a dream I keep remembering over and over again. 

The day you left us was the worst day of my life and even though this date reminds me of that day, I force myself to remember all the happy, happy days we had together. Every day we had together was happy and I can say that honestly. We spent almost all the days you were alive together and you were always by our side or in our arms. It seems very lonely still without you here with us.

I wish after a whole year I had some expert answers on grief and how to survive your life after it takes a major U-turn but.....I don't. That's the thing. I don't understand any more now than I did then. I do know that you are still very much a part of our family and that I still feel your presence very strongly in our lives. I think of you all throughout the day and I love to daydream about what heaven must be like as a baby. Are all the angels fighting to hold you, make you smile, help you walk? I sure hope so. We pray for you every night before we go to bed--I do think angels need prayers, too!

Michael talks about you and we love to look at your pictures in his little family picture book before we go to bed. He always says, "that's my baby Trace!" and especially likes the photos of you two together. I know you would have been the best of friends and it makes my heart hurt when sometimes I see two brothers that are almost the same age because I know just how much fun it would have been.

Trace, I know I told you this in your birthday letter but I want you to know again how happy we are that you got to be part of our family and we got to meet you. I can't help but smile when I look at pictures of you and think how lucky I was to have known you. You were mine and we were yours, even just for that little bit. I love remembering your sweet smell and the way your cheeks always felt cool when I kissed them. You always had the sweetest baby breath and loved to give you big kisses right on the mouth- yes, I couldn't help it! You were one of the best things that ever happened to us.

We love you, Trace, and wish you lots of sweet dreams up in heaven! 

the professional photos are by Randy and Darcy Milder of His and Hers photo who are super awesome and the best ever!!
hisandhersphoto.net