Wednesday, October 10, 2012

One Year

 Dear Trace,

It has been one year since you left us here on this earth. I can't hardly believe it has been three hundred and sixty five whole days without your sweet smile and precious spirit here in our house. I hate even typing out the time because some days it seems like time has no meaning. The time you were here seems so magical and fleeting now, almost like a dream I keep remembering over and over again. 

The day you left us was the worst day of my life and even though this date reminds me of that day, I force myself to remember all the happy, happy days we had together. Every day we had together was happy and I can say that honestly. We spent almost all the days you were alive together and you were always by our side or in our arms. It seems very lonely still without you here with us.

I wish after a whole year I had some expert answers on grief and how to survive your life after it takes a major U-turn but.....I don't. That's the thing. I don't understand any more now than I did then. I do know that you are still very much a part of our family and that I still feel your presence very strongly in our lives. I think of you all throughout the day and I love to daydream about what heaven must be like as a baby. Are all the angels fighting to hold you, make you smile, help you walk? I sure hope so. We pray for you every night before we go to bed--I do think angels need prayers, too!

Michael talks about you and we love to look at your pictures in his little family picture book before we go to bed. He always says, "that's my baby Trace!" and especially likes the photos of you two together. I know you would have been the best of friends and it makes my heart hurt when sometimes I see two brothers that are almost the same age because I know just how much fun it would have been.

Trace, I know I told you this in your birthday letter but I want you to know again how happy we are that you got to be part of our family and we got to meet you. I can't help but smile when I look at pictures of you and think how lucky I was to have known you. You were mine and we were yours, even just for that little bit. I love remembering your sweet smell and the way your cheeks always felt cool when I kissed them. You always had the sweetest baby breath and loved to give you big kisses right on the mouth- yes, I couldn't help it! You were one of the best things that ever happened to us.

We love you, Trace, and wish you lots of sweet dreams up in heaven! 

the professional photos are by Randy and Darcy Milder of His and Hers photo who are super awesome and the best ever!!


  1. Bless your hearts, both of you.

  2. Thinking of you and your beautiful boy.

  3. Thinking of you and sweet Trace today. Praying for you to find peace today.

  4. I think about your family every day. I couldn't remember when the 1 year mark was, but I knew it was around this time. Just read your post and it brought tears to my eyes. I wish you peace.

    Deb Moll

  5. I thought of you on the 10th. I'll always remember Trace, partly because the 10th is my birthday.

    I love this post. He truly was such a beautiful baby boy. Your words to him are precious. I loved the part where you said, "You were mine and we were yours..." So sweet.

    Praying that you feel peace and find comfort. (Hugs)

  6. there are no words for this kind of thing. we passed one year just the day after you, on the 11th. to keep going is the bravest thing we can do, with this hard grief that some days feels very heavy to bear. Thank you for sharing your feelings and thoughts. i hope you have felt peaceful these last few days.

  7. I keep trying to comment and it hasn't been going through. I thought about you and Michael on October 10th all day. I am still shocked and saddened like it has just happened all over again. I wish you all the best.

  8. I am so sorry for your loss, my mama's heart is broken over your loss. Praying for constant peace that surpasses understanding. Thank you for being so brave and sharing your heart thru these moments.


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