Friday, May 25, 2012


Hey all....we made it to the holiday weekend! Hurray! We are looking forward to spending time visiting friends, doing a TON of yardwork, and just spending time together as a family. We've been out of town or busy every weekend the whole month of May and so we are looking forward to just staying put this weekend. It should be a good kick off to summer- last day of school is today and then Tuesday is checkout/work day. 

I've had a whole lot of random things going through my head so I thought I would lump them all together here....

Michael and I had to say goodbye to our awesome childcare provider this week and it has really been weighing on my heart. I am so sad not to be taking Michael there anymore but also excited about what the future holds. We are starting a new preschool-type program with an in home provider in August which I am pretty excited about for Michael. I am also excited to have him home with me every day this summer even though I will miss the extra break sending him to childcare a few days a week gave me! Michael's caretaker made him the sweetest little photo book of all the photos she had taken throughout the almost 3 years he was there. It is the cutest thing and such a treasure to see all the pictures of him and his little friends! I stared and stared at the picture of Michael on his first day and just can't figure out how that can be. 

Speaking of trying to figure out how things can't be....I feel like we have entered into the next "zone" or level of dealing with the loss of Trace because now I have all these memories of things that we did last year when he was here with us. It really has caught me by surprise, almost like some days I feel like I am in a time warp and I feel like he should be here with us as a tiny baby like he was last May. When we were getting the boat ready to take out on the lake earlier this week I kept thinking that "I had to get Trace ready, too" or I kept reminding myself not to forget to put Trace in his carrier...and it was just really weird because I know he is not here but I just think those memories have really been floating around in my head a lot lately.

I keep thinking about how last Memorial day we spent the day at the park with Michael and then went to McDonalds as a family. Now that I think about it....why did I leave the house with a two week old baby!? Was I crazy? 

Yes, yes I was crazy. I was crazy in love with my two little boys and I just remember feeling so good and energized and quite frankly, I actually think I felt better last May than I do now....but that is a whole different story.

I also want to thank everyone for all the kind words, texts, emails, comments, facebook messages, cards, and gifts we got for Trace's birthday. You are all too kind and we are once again totally humbled by everyone's love for our little boy. It will forever be a very special day in our lives. 

Have a great, safe weekend.

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