Wednesday, November 9, 2011


Where to even start? This is a question I've been asking myself every day for the past month....where to begin? What do I do now? How am I going to get through these moments, through today, through the rest of my life?

So I guess I'll just start somewhere...

We lost Trace on October 10th.

I went to grab him to feed him early in the morning and I knew something was wrong as soon as I opened the door to the room and saw him in his bed.

He was gone. He died in his sleep.

He was four months old.

We miss him so much every day. Things are not the same without him in our lives.

I miss his quick smile, his chubby cheeks, the joy in his heart, and the light in his eyes.

I don't know if this will get any easier but I feel like I needed to say something...just to put my story out there. I used to feel like bad things like this never really happened to people, at least not to people in my world. Now I know.
Now I know what it means to be sad, to be lost. I know that there are guarantees in this life. I am forever changed and my world will never be the same.

But I also know that God is bigger than death and I know Trace is in heaven.
I believe it with all my heart. If there is one thing I know for sure, it is that Trace is safe in God's arms and free from the trials and pain of this world. I feel Trace's spirit and even though my heart hurts I still have a piece of Trace in it.

Instead of having him in my arms, I now carry him in my heart.


Revelation 21:4
He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."


Family and friends,

Thank you so much.

I feel like I can not thank you enough. You have blessed me and humbled my heart. I'm not sure how I will ever repay you all but please rest assured if the need ever arises.....I will be on your front step as quick as I can with a lasagna and bottle of wine in hand. :o)


  1. Rose, I'm bawling at work right now. No, no. no. no. no. NO!

    He was so beautiful and so loved. My heart aches for you right now and now that we will be praying as you make your way through these days.

    I'm so sorry. From one mother to another. I'm just so sorry.

  2. I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful boy. I am 10 months out from losing my little man (he contracted a virus just after he was born), and I can assure you it gets easier, but never better. The early days are so raw and the grief so strong.

    Again, I am so sorry.

  3. Oh Rose, I am so sorry to hear this!! :o(

    I can't stop thinking about you, Michael, your husband and Trace. There truly are no words that I can express to tell you how deeply sad I am. It is amazing how deep your faith is and your trust in God.

    All I can do is shake my head. I'm so sorry :o(

  4. I am so, so sorry. I lost a baby halfway through my pregnancy, so I can start to understand the pain, but it's so different than losing a four month old. Absolutely heartbreaking and completely unfair.

  5. Coming over from Leah's blog to say that I am so incredibly sorry to read about the loss of Trace. There just aren't words. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers!

  6. My heart hurts for you and your family. Many prayers and thoughts are with you during this very difficult time.

  7. Rose- I'm crying so hard for you... I think of you and pray for you every day. It isn't fair but I believe, like you, that Trace is in Heaven, watching over you. God Bless~

  8. I'm so sorry. I'm so, incredibly, undeniably sorry.

  9. Rose,

    I'm crying so hard right now. I am so terribly sorry for your loss. Many prayers and thoughts are with you and your family at this time. God Bless~

  10. I am so very sorry for your loss. I found your blog through Leah's blog. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

  11. I am so very very sorry for your loss. I will be keeping you and your family in my prayers.

  12. I came over from Leah's blog. My heart absolutely breaks for you and your family. My daughter is one day younger than your sweet Trace. Many, many prayers.

  13. Rose, it is nice to see a new post on here. I have returned here many times since I heard the horrible news and it is still hard to believe that precious Trace is in heaven now. I'm sure it was very painful to write but thank you for sharing. I firmly believe with all of my heart that Trace is in heaven to, there is comfort in that but it does mean that he isn't missed here on earth more than anything. I think of all of you often and continue to pray for you daily. Hang in there.

  14. We pray for you guys a lot and think of you often.


  15. Oh my gosh, I'm at a loss for words. How can this be, I am totally heartbroken for you and your family's loss. You are weighing heavy on my thoughts and prayers this morning.

  16. I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss. I'm a follower of Kellie Staats blog, who lost her sweet daughter to SIDS at 4 months old. Someone posted a link to your story there. I pray that God gives you the strength to get through this horrible time. I admire your strength, and faith in God. I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through. My heart breaks for you. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

  17. I think of Trace and your family often. Your strength amazes me, and I am so terribly sorry you are facing this tragedy.

    I am glad that you are finding comfort in God and in knowing Trace is in heaven. It's so clear from your words that you loved Trace so much, and he was lucky to be a part of your family, even for such a brief time.

    Hugs and Prayers!

  18. I just want to say am so so sorry for your loss. This is devastating. Your son is so beautiful

  19. Just stumbled across your blog somehow and started looking at all your beautiful pictures of Both of your Beautiful Baby boys! I also have two grandsons, 3 yrs and 5 weeks old. Then I came across the post of you having lost Baby Trace. My heart is so heavy right now....I don't know why these things have to happen in life....he was so very precious...I am sending all my heartfelt prayers to you and your family today and will think about you and your family and your loss everyday in days to come. God give you and your family the strength you need to carry on through this time of sorrow....hugs and prayers from Baltimore, Maryland.

  20. I haven't been on much to read blogs since having Olive, but I just wanted to say I am so so sorry for your loss. Words can't not even begin to so describe how sorry I am for you and your family. <3

  21. I found you through LauraJane's blog...and I just wanted to share that I am so incredibly sorry for your loss of Trace...such a beautiful little boy. I will be praying for you, praying for peace, comfort, and strength.


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