Tuesday, November 22, 2011


I was browsing through my photo collection last night and I found some great photos of Michael when he was the same age as Trace. I had done this before and I thought they actually looked pretty similar when they were newborns but as Trace got older, I think he started to look a lot different. Check this out:

Isn't that funny? I like how they are both wearing a little football shirt.

Next, I found this photo of them both blowing raspberries.

I love the chubby baby cheeks!

Finally, a little side by side of the boys at their four month appointment:

It is really funny to me how different they look from each other. I think Trace would have been a really good looking guy, just like his brother. But I think they would have also looked a lot different. It is so sad for me to think about what they would have been like as brothers together and it is just like a big hole in my imagination. I try and imagine Trace being there in different situations and then I have to remind myself that no, he won't be there.

I often think about what it is like in heaven for Trace and I think other people who have lost babies probably can relate. I think about it all the time. Will Trace still be a baby in heaven? Is there a concept of time in heaven? Days and years? It is just so hard for me to come to realization that these are the only photos I will have of Trace...no more. Are there cameras in heaven? Because I will need to do a lot of catching up. :o)

Speaking of heaven, every night before I tuck Michael in we say our prayers. At the end I always say "God Bless baby Trace in heaven". The past few nights after the prayer Michael has said that "Trace is bye bye". It just melts my heart every time and I break down crying. Just hearing Michael say his name makes me so sad. I just want Michael to know that Trace loved him too and he was a part of our family. I'm excited (& sad) to keep sharing Trace's story with Michael as he grows older.

Here's one more of my goofy guy before I get started on my day:

Thanks for sharing a few moments with me! ---Rose


  1. Both your boys are so beautiful, and absolutely, Trace would have been an absolute heartbreaker had he grown up. It's funny to think of these things, huh? I think about them too- I imagine my son would have killed it with the ladies too, ha.

    And whether I believe in our babies being grown in heaven? Part of me hopes no, so I can rock him and hold him as a baby when I finally get there. But the other half? The other half thinks it would be nice for Jack to be able to watch us from above and know that we love him so very much... To know he can watch our grieving and our good times, and watch over his future siblings. I like to envision his handsome grown self coming to meet me when I get to heaven, and that I will instantly recognize him as my son.

    I'm so glad you have so many beautiful photos of your boy. :)

  2. Still praying. -Kara K

  3. What absolutely beautiful babies, Rose. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about you guys. You're in our thoughts and prayers always. ~Kari :)

  4. They have such beautiful blue eyes!! I think about you often too :)

  5. I will never tire of comparisons between siblings and what a concept of cameras in heaven! Maybe God's got a special deal for the photographer mamas who need those images. :)

    I doubt anyone could keep their composure with Michael even saying Trace's name. They really would have amazing memories together.

    We're still praying for you, don't forget that.

  6. Thinking of you today Rose. I know every day is hard, but I would guess that holidays may be even a little bit harder. I know you will count your blessings today because that just seems to be the type of person that you are, but I know you will miss Trace very badly. I hope you and Scott get to spend the day with people who love you and support you, there are lots of people who are here to help you through this every step of the way, especially on the hardest days. Hang in there and know we're praying for you. -Lindsay

  7. Rose - I am an occasional reader of your blog - I'm not even sure that I remember how I first came here, but from time to time, I swing by and read and enjoy your amazing photos and your stories of your lives. I had not been here for a while until today and was so sad to hear about your little Trace. I will be keeping all of you in my prayers during this difficult time. I don't know how you have managed to post, but I am glad that you can do so. I hope it is healing for you.

  8. Rose - I appreciate your sharing of your thoughts and memories in your blog. It has to be heart wrenching with eyes overflowing with tears as you write. I think expressing your emotions will help you cope with the loss of Trace. We love you and keep you close to our hearts with prayers and thoughts. This summer I read two books that you may enjoy. Both books are stories about two small boys experiencing Heaven during a near death experience. I can't wait to read them again - it gives hope to parents who have lost a baby or child. It gives hope to each person who wonders what Heaven is like! One book is entitled "Heaven is for Real", the other book is entitled "The Boy Who Came Back from Heaven". Take care. Rita G.

  9. I love all those side by side pics! You can definitely tell that those two cutie pies are brothers! (((hugs)))


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