The Twins

We have been trying to wrap our heads around the fact that we are expecting twin girls for a few months now and I figured it was time to share some details with you. We have been really hesitant in sharing because although we are over the moon excited for our big blessing, it just seems too good to be true 

After Trace died, Scott told me he wanted to have another baby right away, no matter what. I felt like if we had another baby right away it would seem like we were just trying to replace him and it just didn't feel right with my heart. I felt like we should wait-if Trace was still here we wouldn't be trying to have a baby when we had a 5 month old, right? I just didn't feel emotionally or physically ready. 

So late last summer we found out we were pregnant and it unfortunately ended in a miscarriage. I haven't shared this before because it was pretty hard for me to deal with, especially hitting at a stressful time with the beginning of the school year. I began to have a lot of self doubt and wonder if my job was too stressful or if I was too unhealthy or maybe this was it for our little family. It was as really big step for me to even want to try again-I wasn't sure if I was ready to make myself vulnerable by trying again. It is easy just to not try so you won't get hurt again especially now that I can't view the world through innocent rose colored glasses that everything always ends well. It made it a hard fall for me and I definitely had a lot of "why me?" moments especially combined with my mom's accident. I was beginning to be at peace with the idea that I would be okay with being a family of three...even with just Michael, that is still a nice family. 

After a few months of healing from the miscarriage we found out we were pregnant again at the end of January. This pregnancy was different from the beginning- I was very sick almost immediately and very tired just after finding out at about four weeks. I felt like it was too soon to be feeling so pregnant and so I wondered if something was wrong- maybe I was really way further along than I thought or something? Anyway, I tried to hold it together for the first ultrasound at 8 weeks where they confirm the heartbeat and pregnancy and to see if things were going well. I was very nervous for the ultrasound and holding my breath to see the little heartbeat on the screen when the nurse said right away- congratulations, you are having twins!! What??? 

I was in complete shock but there it was up on the screen, two little gummy bear babies. TWO. Plain as day. Wow, wow, wow. If there were ticks on my timeline where it seems like time stopped and my life took a new direction- this would be one of them. Twins. Two blessings. Two little heartbeats. Wow. 

We left the office dazed and confused and honestly the news is still sinking in. Every time we have an ultrasound (I think we are up to 8 now) it still amazes me that YES, there are two babies in there and they are growing and healthy. 

The girls are monochorionic/diamnioic twins which mean they share the same placenta but have two separate sacs. When twins share a placenta it always means that they will be identical and the same sex. It also means that somewhere very early in development, the fertilized embryo spontaneously split into two. To have mono-di twins is riskier on top of an already riskier twin pregnancy because they want to be sure that both twins are growing well and one isn't stealing nutrients from the other (hence my extra monitoring). 

So that is where we are at! We are at about 24 weeks and things are going well. Although I feel like I have been pregnant forever, we know that we still have lots of time to keep the babies cooking. I keep telling myself that my job is to grow two healthy babies and if that means my house is messy or I don't look beautiful, so be it. They girls will be here no later than the 2nd week in September (delivered at 37 weeks) so we are over halfway done with only 14 weeks left to go. It seems like right around the corner and also a lifetime away. I am very, very thankful that school is out for the summer so I can work on resting and being stress free. :o) Fall is definitely not an ideal time for a teacher to have a baby but I am now seeing the blessing of having an extra 3 months of resting before the babies come. 

My favorite part of this pregnancy has been sharing the news with everyone and seeing their reaction. It was so fun to share the news with my coworkers at a school staff meeting and seeing everyone freak out and then to see the news travel to my other school and have old coworkers stop me to tell me congratulations around town. And of course, watching our facebook blow up when we announced it online. We are just over the moon blessed and we are happy we can share the good news with people we care about. 

I have been feeling really good lately and I thank everyone for your prayers and words of support! We are feeling very thankful that God is still providing for our family and he is still raining down blessings on us even though we have been through some rough times. It is a true testament that we have no idea what the future holds and what God has planned for us. 

I promise to keep you all updated the rest of summer until the babies arrive!! :o)