Instafriday

Dear friends, I honestly don't mean to keep making instafriday my only post of the week. My life seems like it is spinning out of control right now. And when I say spinning out of control....it means that everything is really just fine but I'm all up inside my own head all the time and my thoughts are my own worst enemies. Does that happen to you? I keep reading things that if you can just get out of your own head and stop perpetuating thoughts that are untrue and unkind about yourself (like negative self talk) you will solve a whole heck of a lot of problems. I need to work on that!

I know this is just a passing season and I hope things will feel like a more normal version of my life soon, but for right now I can only see that big date of October 10th looming at me from every calendar I look at. It isn't even about the actual date really. I think it is more about remembering that at this time last year I only had this many days left with Trace and I didn't even know it. Like how we would play at the park on awesome fall late afternoons and everything would be perfect. Little old silly me, I guess I thought things would just be like that forever. It really is hard because every season has such a strong memory of him for me. I know for the rest of my life I will see all the beautiful fall colors and remember those last few days we had together. 

  

---------------------

Here's whats been going on lately via instagram:

Frolicking with friends

 

Meeting the real Thomas!

 

Birthday party invites are out! It will be low key and fun (so please come with very low expectations)!

 

Girls weekend. One word: cheese.

 Yum!

I love my silly, silly boy!

Instafriday

Can you believe it is the last official day of summer?

Michael and I have been loving these cool fall late afternoons and we hit up the park not 1, not 2 but 4 times this week! It is by far my most favorite time of year for parks. The wind rustling through the trees and the falling leaves do it to me every time. :o) 

School has been going well- the days and weeks seem to be flying by now. My kids are doing awesome and I think I am making headway on some problems I've been having in class. I guess the upside is that you are always learning even as a teacher...right? 

I would say that overall my students are awesome awesome awesome!!! 

Trace has been on my heart even more than usual lately. I know it is because the anniversary of his death is looming closer and closer. I had a really rough day on Sunday when I went to church by myself and then found myself driving over to the cemetery where I sat and watched videos on him on my phone and cried and cried.  How can it be almost a year? 

Lately it seems like the littlest things can be a trigger- it is the first year anniversary of our church's satellite that we attend and they are having a celebration...oh yeah, we remember bringing Trace with us last year to the first service and we were so excited. It's a friend announcing that they are having a May baby (I am so excited but it just reminds me of my May baby) or it is just realizing that the seasons are changing once again without him here. 

I stopped at HyVee to pick up some nice mums for Trace's little vase and the super cute 17 year old checkout girl wanted to know if the flowers were "for my home or just for fun" and I hated having to tell her that no...they were for the cemetery. :o( 

So, I've been trying to do things that fill my heart with happy- going to football games on beautiful Saturday afternoons, swinging in the park with my best guy, and seeing little bits of love everywhere I look. 

End of Summer Fun

 

Summer is officially winding down and I feel fall in the air. Three football games and cooler temps? I'll take it.

Michael and I celebrated the end of summer with a little outdoor fun.

 

Of course, just playing in the pool wasn't cutting it...

Let's break out the Barbasol! 

The barbasol was great fun for Michael and he just thought it felt so cool. He would play in it for a minute, then run back to his pool and rinse his hands off. I think he finally gave up because I turned around and he was covered from head to toe! 

He is a silly guy! I thought this was the perfect way to celebrate the end of summer. :o)

Late Summer Garden Tour

 

Welcome to my late summer garden tour!

Things always look beautiful at the very end of August and into September. Last fall when we had unseasonably warm weather, things looked good even into October-- we planted lots of plants the week after we lost Trace and they did fine. 

 

It never ceases to amaze me how my dinky little plants grow and grow all season long...they never stop growing until it freezes. It is just awesome. 

 Before/After

 

Another before/after

(my russian sage and sweet potato vines totally overran some of my new perennials--will have to move some of them next spring...always learning!)

 

My zinnias that I started from seeds in May. They are by far my most favorite thing ever...so happy and cheerful and they look good late in the summer when everything else is struggling. They love the hot, dry sun! 

Last fall I picked all my dead flowers for seeds and I remember telling myself that the next summer I wanted my yard to be full of bright flowers to remember my sweet baby by. I am really happy I did that...how can you not be filled with joy by seeing all those happy flowers? 

I still need to update with the other parts of my yard...hopefully I will get to that now that we have these beautiful cool evenings with nice light! :o) 

Thanks for stopping by!

More Nature Fun

Michael is so curious and I just love it. He has great eyes and attention to detail. He saw this little dude crawling on the ground and really wanted him to crawl onto his finger so we tried the next best thing and got him to climb on this little leaf. 

Michael said, "Oo! Caterpiller! Has one, two, eight, nine, twenty legs!". 

....don't worry, we're working on the counting!

Instafriday

 

It's Friday!

Another week in the books. I think I am finally starting to get my energy back...it is a lot to start working 30+ hours a week after staying home all summer. I only took one nap this week (when I shut off my alarm on accident and slept for two hours...oy!) and I've gotten up every morning at 5:30 to hit the Y. I made a deal with myself that I would exercise every morning even if it was only for a little bit and so far I have been loving it. I am way too tired and unambitious after work and my early mornings have become a little mini therapy session to start off the day. And no matter how hard my day gets...it has to be easier than running on the treadmill or squatting 160 lbs, right?? :o) RIGHT!?! 

So far I am not noticing any differences besides the mental benefit but I'll take what I can get these days...

Anyway, instafriday!

 

We got a new HyVee. Scott and I went there *for fun* this week. We spent an hour wandering around. It is like the Whole Foods of HyVee. Lots of good things including the hugest craft brew selection I've ever seen. Scott was a kid in a candy shop! 

 

We took an impromtou walk around the pond earlier this week when the weather was nice. It is fun to see Michael and everything he takes in and absorbs. He is learning something new every day- so fun to watch. I need to start recording or writing down all the funny things he says...he is one giant sponge, that kid. 

 

I have monster zucchini that are still popping up in my garden so Michael and I had fun shredding them up and making a really yummy zucchini and chocolate bread, okay who I am kidding, cake. It gets the Michael stamp of approval! I shredded up a whole ziploc bag of zucchini and it is in the freezer just waiting for more fun things to make.

 

I am loving my new job but I am also just really missing spending time with Michael. He is changing every day and it just makes my heart so sad. I often think about how our life would be if Trace was here too and how big he would be now too. I just feel like life is so fleeting and I just want to take in as much as I can each day. The other day I got home after Michael had been in bed and I went in to say goodnight and he looked so grown up laying there on his pillow. It was one of those "wow" moments where I flashed forward and could see him as a 10 year old or 14 year old...hopefully I will still be kissing him goodnight then too. :o) 

Life is good. Happy Friday!!