Michael's Pump it Up Party!

This year Michael wanted to have his 5th birthday party at Pump It Up. Sound familiar? Well, yes...of course, because we held his party there last year, too! 

Michael's birthday is exactly one month after the girls' birthday and considering I didn't start planning his party until after they were born, I think things worked out pretty well. He was so excited about turning five and I didn't want his sisters birth to overtake his entire world. I would love to have a party for him at home someday but it just wasn't feasible this year so a repeat booking at Pump it Up fit the bill and Michael was excited about it. Note to self: next year start planning a party to have outside at the end of September! I was going to do that this year before our lives were turned upside down (in a good way!) with the twins! 

Pump it Up is a great place for a party because you can have a ton of kids come, they pretty much do their own thing jumping, and there are helpers on staff to help you stay organized. The helpers even served the cake and wrote down the gifts for me! Last year we  did pizza and snacks and this year we just kept it to cake, juice boxes and waters (for the adults). It was a really fun time! 

The kids (and adults!) jumped in the first room for a bit and then we headed to the second room for a glow party where the lights were turned off and kids got glow sticks. It was a neat change of pace since the kids usually go here on their class field trips but had never done the glow party before. 

 

Michael invited all of his daycare friends as well as his friends that are not from daycare. We had 18 kids total although not all of them made it in the photo! 

I didn't get a real good shot of the cake but it was a Star Wars cake with a starship and the death star on top and lots of blue frosting! It took a ton of energy for me to get out of the house, let alone getting out of the house dressed, showered, with makeup on and hair done in an attempt to make me look not like a zombie. So I didn't get all the great photos I wanted but I am happy we were able to hold a super special celebration for our favorite big brother. 

Happy Birthday, Michael! I think five is going to be a great year for you! 

My Rainbow Babies

Anna and Brynn are such a blessing to us. All babies are so, so special but Anna and Brynn seem extra special to me because they are my rainbow babies. 

In the online baby loss community (yes, there is such a sad, sad thing) rainbow babies are used to describe babies that are born after a miscarriage, stillbirth, or loss of a child. The meaning, of course, stems from the rainbow that follows the clouds of a storm. And to add further meaning to the rainbow allusion we are reminded of the verses in Genesis where the rainbow demonstrates God's mercy to never destroy the Earth again with a flood. In a way, rainbow babies are God's way of demonstrating his mercy with us and are a powerful reminder that he is still good, always. 

Rainbows are good, no doubt, and are a powerful symbol. However, what about a double rainbow? 

Double rainbows are so special and awe inspiring (for reference, look up insane double rainbow guy on youtube) and they are very rare- I know I have only seen a few in my life. One happened on the way home from school, way back at the end of November in 2010 where a full double rainbow formed right over my house. I even drove under the actual rainbow on my way home- pretty amazing! Luckily, I took a pretty cool photo on my old school iphone and it has stuck in my memory ever since. 

Double rainbows are twice as good and are twice the reminder of God's mercy. Some also believe they are a symbol of transformation or that something great in your life has fallen into your lap. 

We feel like the luckiest people in the world to have our girls be our double rainbow. People ask all the time what it feels like to find out you are having twins and it is like winning the lottery. You feel so, so lucky. I feel like part of the reason we feel overwhelmed with blessings is that we were honestly 100% at peace with our family and the journey we've been on since Trace's death. I knew if we didn't have any more children, we would still have a nice family and a happy life. But as it turns out, God knows our hearts and had bigger plans in store for us. 

My aunt sent me a nice note that really touched my heart this week. She said that after Trace died everyone in my family was praying extra hard that we would have another baby. She said all the praying must have worked for us to have two babies! I feel the same way, twins are a beautiful gift that we feel so undeserving to receive. It just adds to the mystery of this world and the realization that there are so many things we will never know the answers to. I am so touched by everyone's prayers and overwhelmed by everyone's happiness for the girls' arrival. 

Anna Rose.

Brynn Elizabeth

I've been working on this post for a few days and publishing it today just happens to coordinate with Pregnancy and Infant Loss awareness day. A day doesn't go by that we don't think about our sweet Trace and that is especially true now that the girls are here. They remind us of the goodness of God's promises and they help heal our hearts even though they are forever scarred. It is hard to say that our lives would have taken this path if Trace hadn't died...we will never know. So for now we are taking the journey one day at a time. 

Please remember all the sweet babies today! 

Instafriday

InstaFriday week 4 with the girls! 

In case it looks like we just lay around all day snuggling...well, you are right. Most of my days are spent nursing and snuggling my babies, with a little housework and time with Michael thrown in. I do have moments where I feel like I should be doing more but then I just remind myself that this is what I'm supposed to be doing and babies don't keep. 

Anna and me on the day of Michael's birthday party. Also known as the only day I've done my hair, makeup and worn actual pants! 

Anna and Brynn will usually hang out with me in the office for a little while if I am doing photos or stuff on my computer. I feel like I need to seize the day when they are both sleeping and get the laundry and dishes done but also I feel like I should waste time since it happens so infrequently. It is a hard choice to make!

Iowa State celebrated its homecoming this past week and everyone was sharing old photos on facebook. It was really fun to see and reminded me of all the fun times I had in marching band in college. It was so fun to be part of a big organization and get to hang out every day with 300 of your closest friends. It sounds cheesy but it is true- everyone knew everyone and everyone was so nice and fun to be around. I also love how young and attractive we all look in the photos! 

My sister made these cute tutus for the girls at their shower and I hadn't put them in them yet so I figured homecoming was a good excuse. They were so fussy so I couldn't take a cute one of them by themselves but luckily Scott stood in as a baby model for me. The outfits were ridiculous and very cute! 

I stayed home and watched the game on tv and there was a surprise- they showed the halftime show! yay! It totally made my day and was really fun to see. I miss participating in football Saturdays but I know this is just a season of life that will quickly pass for better or worse. 

Thanks for stopping by! Have a great week!

Three Years

Yesterday marked the three year anniversary of Trace becoming an angel in heaven. I hate that having an anniversary of your baby's death is even a thing but I think it is important to honor it all the same. 

It is hard to mark the date with numbers because time has a totally different meaning when dealing with grief. Three years seems like a blink of an eye and also like an eternity. I feel like a first time mom all over again with the girls because I literally feel like it was another lifetime ago when Trace was here. When your world is rocked to the core things just feel different and it leaves a pretty big tick on the timeline of your life. Things feel different and they affect your family differently. 

Our family has also changed in a big way in just the last month with the girls' arrival and I can't help but think that Trace should be here too. Two boys and two girls...what a lucky mom and family that would be. In my heart I know he will always be a part of our family but I just wish he was here with us to be big brother, too. 

This quote has stuck with me since watching the Call the Midwife series over the summer. It perfectly said what I had been feeling the whole time I have been dealing with Trace's death. I hated it when people would say things like they would kill themselves if something ever happened to their kids because that seems so ridiculous to me. Deep in my heart I knew I just had to keep on trucking with my life...that is what I would want my loved ones to do if something happened to me. There are days when maybe I don't feel better but overall, I do feel alive again and that is nothing to feel guilty about. 

Throughout this pregnancy I have had a friend and a college classmate lose twin babies. I felt so terrible because I know exactly what they are going through and how it changes you. I was also surprised at how much it affected me deep down in my gut, making my stomach ache. It gave me some perspective on how people must have felt when Trace died. The day of his funeral was the worst day of my life but it was amazing and humbling to see the support of so many loved ones. I also am so appreciative of the support not only on that day but the continued support that comes with knowing that grief is a process that never really ends. 

We miss Trace every day and think of him often, especially now that his sisters are here. We can't wait to be reunited with him again one day in heaven. 

Michael is 5!

On Monday, October 6th Michael turned five years old! 

My sweet baby is getting so big and I can't hardly believe it! It honestly feels like yesterday he was born and yet sometimes it feels like he has always been a part of our lives. He is the biggest blessing to us and we love having him in our family! 

My favorite things about Michael are his happy spirit, his never ending energy, his ability to never forget the smallest detail, and his love for his family. He is such a neat kid and I hope he carries these traits with him forever. 

We celebrated on Sunday with my parents. We had a birthday breakfast with presents and then they headed out to Center Grover Orchard for a day of fall fun. I'm glad my parents got to spend some good one on one time with Michael- I think that is the best gift for anyone to give or receive...hopefully good memories were made!

It has been fun for us to watch Michael's role in our family change as now he is the biggest brother! He loves his sisters and always knows who is who. He loves telling people he has "two babies!" and thinks that is pretty special. He likes to watch his sisters up close and always tells me when one is crying. He does think it is kind of a pain to replace fallen pacifiers or run dirty diapers to the diaper pail but overall he is a pretty good helper. I worried for a long time that he might be an only child forever so I hope he can someday realize how big of a blessing his sisters are to him and us. He is already making big plans for when his "sisters are two, or maybe four" when we can take trips with them to do fun things. 

Michael, you are the light of our lives! We love you! I can't believe how big you are getting! Happy Birthday!!

InstaFriday

Happy Friday! 

I've been trying to capture at least one photo a day on instagram to document this precious time. Hopefully I can keep up posting them on Fridays so I don't get backlogged! 

Maternity leave is such a funny time...the days are long and short all at the same time. I love being in the quiet house snuggling two little babies all day long with nothing on our agenda! So far the most pressing tasks have been remembering to pick up Michael from school and keeping babies happy. We've had a rough couple of days with what I hope is the girls' 3 week growth spurt but who knows! They slept well last night and woke up happy this morning so I am keeping my fingers crossed. 

It is is so helpful for my mental well being if I can get outside for a little bit each day for a spin around the block or a walk at the park. I love seeing all the trees change color at Jester Park! So far the girls have been good on their walks and hopefully the weather keeps up for a few more weeks. It reminds me of when I used to walk when I was home with baby Michael. 

And as  you can see from the photos, we have been doing lots of snoozing around here. I've been watching a ton of TV which allows me to get into shows that I normally don't have time for like Dancing with the Stars and Biggest Loser. I haven't gotten into any new series lately because they take a little more brain power than I currently have to follow new characters and story lines so I've been re-watching some of my favorite series from the beginning like Boardwalk Empire. I also finished season three of Call the Midwife and every episode left me a crying mess! It is such a sweet show and I love the messages and of course, the sweet babies. 

Well...that's it for me. Have a great weekend!

3 weeks!

Baby girls are three weeks old today! 

This seems entirely too crazy to me and yes, I will probably say that in every post for the next 18 years. They are growing fast and I am noticing them getting heavier and more chubby, especially in their faces and tummies. We will take them for a weight check next week and see if they are putting on good weight- if they are, we might get the go ahead to let them sleep as long as they want during the night. Sometimes they will wake up right at the 3 hour mark but sometimes I think they would go longer if we let them-it is so tempting but I know they need to keep their little bellies full! 

Every day I panic about how fast they are growing so I tried to take some photos of them. I quickly realized how hard it is! I have a feeling we might be investing a considerable amount into professional photography for a while...it is not easy to capture TWO newborns looking sweet in one shot!

Brynn on the left and Anna on the right...snuggle bugs!

Brynn has crazier hair that is darker and longer. It also sticks up right in the back like a little rooster tail. She also has pointy little elf ears! 

Anna's head is bigger and her hair is lighter. She looks a lot like her older brother! See below: 

I've been trying to get braver about getting the girls out of the house but it is just so darn time consuming to get them fed, changed, clean, packed up, in their seats and in the car. Whew! We've had a trip to starbucks drive through, the park for a walk, and a few to get brother from school and that is about it. I am just happy that Michael knows how to open car doors and buckle himself in by himself. These are valuable skills for this momma!

Here we go on another week adventure in twins...so far we are having a great time and love loving on our girls. 

Thanks for stopping by!